To prepare for some major life changes, I decided that after nearly four years of living in Japan, it was time to get a spouse visa. I came to Japan to work, and even after pregnancy I envisioned myself working full-time, and therefore never thought it really necessary to go through all of the paperwork and bureaucracy to switch unless it was really necessary. 

I am currently on year four out of five years on my current visa, and I was trying to hold out until my first renewal before deciding to make the switch. However, after over a year being back in the field after having a baby and two years into the pandemic, I'm burnt out and decided I needed the flexibility afforded by a spouse visa.

The major benefit of switching to a spouse visa for me is the ability to work as much or as little as I want without my visa needing to be tied to an employer. 

The first year of motherhood was extremely stressful, as I had to balance being a loving, available, and patient mom to a very fragile and sickly human being that doesn't sleep, disregarding the fact that I was dealing with the hustle and bustle of the public and working in a strict Japanese work environment, at minimum 10 hours a day, six days a week. I'm only human, with limitations, and I had finally hit it.

Full-time work during a pandemic was too much at the moment, and for the unforeseeable future. So, I decided to give myself the option to scale back.

My husband and I came to the conclusion to switch to a spouse visa late last year, and we took some steps in order to prepare our application. Here's what we needed to do!

PREPARE SPOUSE VISSA APPLICATION

This was probably the most difficult part of the process, as the documents needed that are listed on the Immigration Services in Japan can be vague. Also, I was not technically applying for a Japanese spouse visa in a traditionally sense. I was technically just changing my status of residence since I already had a visa. There is a lot of information for people who are applying for a spousal visa outside of Japan, but there isn't a lot of information for people who already live and work in Japan.

I found a list of documents needed on the Immigration Service Agency website, and then I just did several Google searches to find additional hints and tips that the Immigration website might not list.

NEEDED DOCUMENTS

OBTAIN ON YOUR OWN

• One 30x40cm photograph taken within the past three months | Go to any ID photobooth
• Passport | Unexpired
• Residence card | Unexpired
• Change of Status of Residence Application form | Here
• Letter of Guarantee | Here (to be filled out by Japanese spouse)
• Questionnaire | Here (To be filled out by Japanese spouse) 
• Photographs/text messages that prove the relationship is real
• We included at least 3-4 pictures, labeled and dated
• We included text messages as well (with Japanese translation)

OBTAIN FROM THE WARD OFFICE

• Family Register/Koseki | One copy
• Tax Certificate or Tax Exemption Certification
• Nouzei-shoumeisho (納税証明書) and kazei-shoumeisho (課税証明書).
• We provided both documents for my husband (head of household) but eventually they requested I send my tax documents as well.
• Resident Registration Certificate/Juminhyou | One Copy

The changing my surname in Japan saga continues! I think it's year two now. Although changing your surname on the Japanese family register is far from necessary, I thought I'd write a blog for the few people who may be interested in changing their name on their koseki.

For those unfamiliar, a koseki, or family register, is akin to a family tree here in Japan. This legal document serves as a Japanese person's birth certificate and identification in many cases. This document has a record of all births, deaths, marriages, divorces, and adoptions within the family, and all Japanese nationals are required to have one.

As the parent and/or spouse of a Japanese national, you will be recorded on the koseki, but you will not have your own entry. On my daughter and husband's entry, I am listed as "Wife: Angela Smith" and "Mother: Angela Smith".

That was great until I realized, as a married woman with a name change, that all of my new documentation now states Angela Yamada. Unless I carry around my old passport and residence card, I do not have any documentation with my maiden name.

Most people will assume that Smith is my maiden name, and of course, when I married my husband, my name was Angela Smith, but I did go through a name change and would like to show that reflected.

I would like to preface this by saying that your mileage my vary with this procedure. How easy or difficult it is to change your name depends on your origin country, the ward office where your koseki is housed, and even the individual staff within that department. 

This is my experience with the Shibuya ward office as an American.

STEP ONE: CALL THE WARD OFFICE

My husband and I decided that we couldn't go wrong if we called the ward office directly and asked them exactly what documentation or procedure was needed. Unfortunately, we didn't really get anywhere, and we ended up calling three times because one staff had no clue, and another staff said we would need something like a "身分登録簿", which I know for a fact doesn't exist in the US. Finally, a staff told us that we needed a document that states why my surname was changed, and to inquire at the U.S. Embassy.

STEP TWO: OBTAIN PROOF OF NAME CHANGE

the actual document I needed to sign

Unless you have a court ordered name change, it will be difficult, nigh impossible to obtain an official U.S. document stating the reason for your name change (especially if married in Japan). Therefore, after inquiring with the embassy, they said what I could do was fill in a blank affidavit form, stating that I changed my name through marriage, and then get that notarized. This is a bit sketchy because, as you may know, the embassy does not check the accuracy of what is stated on the affidavit. So, once again, your mileage may vary.

On the blank affidavit form, I wrote my name, birth date, maiden name, and the statement that I changed my name on (such and such date) due to marriage to (my husband's name). I then got that notarized at the embassy.

STEP THREE: PRESENT DOCUMENTATION TO THE WARD OFFICE

We presented the notarized affidavit (Japanese translation needed) and both my new and old passport (Also Japanese translation needed). The staff were, of course, perplexed, and wanted to absolutely make sure that there wasn't an official U.S. document that states the reason for my name change, and they even searched Pennsylvania laws (where I am from).  I showed them the statement on the U.S. embassy website that says the U.S. will not provide any documentation on the marriage, and I also showed them a Pennsylvanian government website stating that I cannot register my overseas marriage.

They then asked the flow of how I changed my last name (Marriage in Japan and then changed my passport using the koseki), and finally, after two hours, they had no choice but to move forward.

The staff typed up a document that I had to sign that states that there is absolutely no official U.S. or Pennsylvanian document that is sufficient enough to provide the needed proof of name change, and only with me signing this document could they then start the procedure of changing my surname.

STEP FOUR: WAIT

The staff stated it would take about a month to finalize everything, and about a week later we got a call asking for additional photocopies of my passport and some pages within it. 

STEP FIVE: RECEIVE CHANGED KOSEKI

After about three weeks, we got the call that the procedure has been finalized and that we could pick up our new koseki! Yay! 

On the new koseki, I am still listed as Angela Smith next to "Wife of", but there is now a memo that states, "name changed on (date) to Angela Yamada. I am also now listed as Angela Yamada next to "Mother" on my daughter's entry.

CONCLUSION

Now that I understand more about the koseki system and how complex Japanese administrative procedures can be, I can understand why they expect and require such detailed records and information. However, it is very frustrating when their expectations extend beyond Japan and that they are relying on finding American or foreign equivalents of some Japanese documentation to move forward with some procedures.

So, while this procedure was very frustrating and annoying at times, I think it was totally worth going through because when I return to the States to eventually continue the name changing process over there, I have very clear proof of a name change. Thanks, Japan!

Notes:

• Angela Smith/Yamada is not my real name. Don't worry. :P
• You may be able to change your surname with simply your old/new passports. Ask the ward office that applies to you. :)

One of the hardest things after having a baby was splitting the childcare and housework. My husband and I had two vastly different schedules, and when you throw in post-partum hormones and having no support outside of yourselves, we burnt ourselves out pretty quickly.

Fortunately, my husband was extremely self sufficient even before we met, and has always been the more organized and neat out of the two of us, which really helped a lot. I am a planner, and always strive for order, so that also contributed to our success of maintaining a clean, well organized home. Unfortunately, the Japanese style and American style of teamwork is vastly different, so while both of us were working really hard, we were often stepping on each others toes, redoing or going over each others work, or just not being as efficient as possible.

For example, I wanted to wash the dishes, and my husband wanted to organize the month's finances. That's great, but then there was no one to watch the baby and we both ended up frustrated because we had to keep stopping what we were doing and redirecting her. Over time, we had to figure out that we couldn't do certain things at the same time, etc.

Also, my husband was used to things being cleaned up or put away immediately after use. That was kind of unrealistic with a baby who has a schedule. I am not going to miss or push her nap time just to wash the dishes. They can wait an hour or two. 

I, on the other hand, was used living in a house,  organizing my schedule the way that best suited me, and as an American, having a lot of freedom and private time in general. But, with a husband who is always at home, living in an apartment (can't do laundry or vacuum after 8pm) and a baby that gets into everything. It's not feasible to do certain chores at certain times, and I also had to learn how to cook and clean in a crowded area or with a baby on my back.

So, in the end, we had to do a lot of compromising. There was a ton of miscommunications, arguments, and discussions about the best approach, or how the Japanese do it, or what we do in America, etc. Finally, we seem to be in the same chapter. We haven't yet reached the same page or line on some things, but it is a work in process, and nowadays we don't feel burnt out, and we help each other out without doing each other's jobs or stepping on each other's toes.

So, without further ramble, here is how we split our chores!

HIS

• Night time wake-ups
• Cooking and prep daughter's meals
• Gets her ready for daycare
• Drop-off/Pick-up from daycare
• writes in the daycare communication book
• handles appointments (scheduling and taking her)
• bath time
• Daughters dinner time
• Cooks dinner
• Laundry
• buying diapers, wipes
• Grocery shopping and household shopping
• puts away dishes

• Prolonged night time wake-ups
• Cooks breakfast for myself and my husband
• garbage
• household scheduling 
• Daughter's hair
• Daughter's clothing and toiletry shopping
• pack and prepare daycare bag
• Night time routine (brush teeth, storytime, and put to bed)
• Outing and event planner
• responsible for cleaning the whole house
• doing all the dishes

Although I have less responsibility, in some aspects, my responsibilities are much heavier, such as cleaning the whole house, which can take days, or dealing with prolong night wakes, which usually means co-sleeping with my daughter all night. Also, my husband has more flexibility, as he doesn't work outside of the home and can catch up on sleep with a nap, or rearrange his schedule as he sees fit. I, on the hand, must compress all of my chores into before or after work, or on the weekends. Plus, no extra nap or random day off to make up sleep.

Weekends

Weekends work a bit differently, as I do the majority of the childcare, giving him time to catch up on work if he missed it during the week, and we just pitch in where we need it. Sometimes I'll do the laundry and he'll wash the dishes. I usually do bath time on the weekends, and he'll take care of the trash.

It's taken nearly a year to narrow down what we need to do and who does it the best, but I am happy with the results for now! Things change day by day as our daughter grows, and our lives change, but this is our day-to day! What does yours look like? Any tips on how to manage a household where two people have very strong work-ethic and are extremely hands on? I'd love some tips!

Hello Everyone, as the year comes to a close and we are now on our holiday vacation, I've been able to spend some time with my family and reflect on this past year. Sometimes I surprise myself with just how much my husband, daughter, and I have been through. Over the past year, we have worked really hard to iron out all of the wrinkles and create a life that is healthy and sustainable, which can be really hard nowadays.

If you've been following my blog, you'll know that I am a full-time working mom here in Yokohama, Japan. Being a 働くママ or ワーママ (working mom) in Japan is really hard, especially one who works outside of the home for a Japanese company. This is due to several reasons, but mostly due to the strong belief that mothers are to devote themselves to the home, and usually leave their job once falling pregnant. Being a new mom is hard, but trying to balance work (and all the drama that might entail) while discovering who you are as mother, plus tending to the physical demands of the home, and 100% of the needs of the baby, while not losing your sanity, patience, or health, is darn near impossible at times!

And because the cultures of Japan and America are so different, it was especially hard for me to find my groove. My husband has never lived abroad and only started learning being interested in foreign cultures and English a few years ago. Although is a very opened minded individual, there's a difference between theory and in practice. So, he also was not really receptive or open to the "American ways or African American ways" of raising children, so I also had to learn about how Japanese mothers balance their time and raise their kids.

Most of the schedules I found in Japan had the "me-time" starting at 11:00pm...with a wake-up time at 6:30. Unfortunately, that doesn't take into considering a child who may wake up at night or wake up extremely early. There was a time where my daughter was waking at 5am...sometimes even 4am! So, going to bed so late is such a gamble.

Also, in most Japanese child-rearing resources, husbands play a minimal role in the child-rearing. They were mostly delegated to picking/drop-off the kid, cooking a meal once in a while, or watching the kid for an hour or two a week. That's it. That wasn't good enough for me, and I wanted to find a way to give my husband and I more time to sleep and recharge with our hobbies, but that could only work if both of us was on board.

So, after a year of trial and error, we've found a routine that allows us both time to contribute to the household, and enough time to recharge with our hobbies and spend time with each other.

This first blog post will show our general daily schedule, and the next post will show in more detail how we split the household duties. Finally, I'll share tips with all of you moms out there on how you can lessen your load, and also get your child and husband involved! 

6:00 | WAKE-UP

In the future, I'd like to be able to comfortably wake up at 5:30 to have morning me-time, but for now, 6am seems to be when I wake up naturally and feel rested. My daughter wakes up between 6:15 and 7:00am, so I have about 15 minutes to take a shower and get dressed for the day. I try to pack my work bags and layout my clothes the night before to save time. If she wakes up around 6:15, my husband will keep her until I finish my hair and make-up.

7:00 | COOK BREAKFAST

I start too cook at 7, which is my daughter's breakfast time. It's a simple breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast for my husband and I, and my daughter's food is always leftovers from the night before, or frozen cubes of cooked food that my husband made for her. It takes about 2 minutes to prepare. She also gets miso soup, and some fresh fruit.

7:30 | LEAVE FOR WORK

This part is a bit hectic because I am responsible for taking out the trash, and also doing my daughter's hair. Plus, I am always forgetting something and need to pack it at the last second! So, I am always running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Of course, I can always take out the trash the night before, and that might be something I look into, but right now, I keep forgetting!

8:30-5:30 | WORK

I usually do any errands on my break, which can range from going to the bank, going, grocery shopping to clothing shopping for my daughter.   I am trying to break this habit because I do need a proper break, but I work in a convenient location, so I like to take advantage of it.

6:30 | RETURN HOME FROM WORK

I get home between 6:15 and 6:30. Sometimes I stop off at the grocery store on the way home, but usually I book it straight for the house. My daughter is usually in the middle of dinner, and basically my husband has dinner waiting on the table. I take over feeding her some nights, or I watch her if dinner isn't ready. After dinner, is always hectic because my daughter is usually clingy and wants to read a story. So, sometimes I eat first and my husband entertains her or vice versa.

7:30 | STORY TIME

I am in charge of the night time routine, which is great because I can spend quality time with my daughter. I brush her teeth, clean up her toys, and read her a few stories. We then put her to bed together, and if we are successful, I can finish my night time chores, such as packing her daycare bag and washing the dishes. 

8:30 | ME/WE-TIME

She is usually asleep by 8:30, so during this time, my husband can jog, take a long bath, or we can watch television together or have a discussion or plan. We usually spend at least an hour together. After that, we go our separate ways for the night. Usually I plan for the next day, and he reads. I need to get better at sitting down and blogging or doing fun things other than scrolling through Instagram or thinking about work!

10:30 | BEDTIME

I try to go to bed between 9:30 and 10:30. Right now, I am usually super exhausted, but hopefully with some changes up ahead *fingers crossed*, I won't be so ready to fall into dream land by the end of the day!

So, what does your schedule look like? I'd love to see it, and learn how I can restructure my day!

U.S. Embassy Tokyo, Federal Benefits Unit, Consular Section, 1-10-5 Akasaka Minato-ku, Tokyo 107-8420 Japan

I've experience two major life events this year: marriage and having a baby. These two events opened my eyes to a side of Japanese culture and life I've never experienced before. One such aspect being "go-shugi/ご祝儀" culture, or "gift money" culture.

Prior to coming to Japan, I've known that Japan has a very prominent gift-giving culture. I'm sure that my fellow residents of Japan, or even visitors of Japan, have seen the elaborate souvenirs and gifts that can be bought for others. You have probably even been given an "omiyage" or souvenir yourself! 

I love this aspect of the culture. For example, I thought it was so cute that my husband makes origami cranes to give to his host families or Air BnB host when he travels. I, myself, have been given tons of yummy souvenirs from my co-worker's travels that has allowed me to taste treats from around the world.

Despite the positives, however, gift-giving can also be a double edged sword. For example, many people withhold information about going on a trip because if they divulge that information to their workplace or family, it is expected that they bring back a small souvenir for everyone. Yes, I do mean everyone because it'll be even more offensive if it is found out you only bought gifts for certain co-workers. This can be quite expensive! Also, in certain cases, gift-giving can feel like a burden. When my husband's "kouhai" or "junior" sent us a congratulatory gift for the baby, his first thought, even before opening it, was "Ah, now I have to give him something.". 

I'm still new to the culture, so I don't know every aspect of it, but, like everything else in Japanese culture, there are a lot of etiquette, rules, traditions, and manners, even in gift-giving. For example, gift givers need to be concerned with the price (not too cheap or expensive), the duration between receiving and returning　(don't wait to long or give a gift when the other party is in mourning (like during Obon). There is even guidelines as to how to best word your message (don't make it obvious you're returning a gift, as it might come off as just an obligation). Therefore, despite your good intentions, your gift might cause stress or upset the recipient.

So, today, I want to talk more specifically about 'go-shugi', which is money given as a gift for a celebration, mainly marriage. I was surprised when I received 'go-shugi' from my workplace due getting married and once more due to having a baby.  Go-shugi come in a very distinct envelope called a shugi bukuro. The decorations on these envelope correspond with the occasion, such as celebratory or mourning. The colors and even the way the envelop is folded is specific! Furthermore, there are even stipulations on how much should be given (your relationship to the recipient) and the number amount (lucky and unlucky numbers) and how to place the money. 

I think this is a really cool aspect of the culture (receiving money is always fun), and it's actually cool that gifts like this are often built into the company budget or fund.

So, you've received go-shugi or a celebratory gift from someone. Now what? Well, the Japanese have what is called "okaeshi" or "return gift" culture. So, with the money you've received, you should use roughly 30-50% of it on a return gift as a thank you. If you received an item, then you should find the value of it and do the same.

Both times, I bought "okaeshi" gifts for my workplace. At first, I was at a lost as what to give, but I was delighted to find that there are tons of websites and catalogs dedicated to "okaeshi" gifts! I used the site Milpoche to buy my "okaeshi" and this tradition of birth celebratory gift is called Shussan uchi iwai/出産内祝い.

Not only do they have gifts in all price ranges, but I was even able make a custom "go-aistsu" or "birth announcement" card to send along with them! It was super easy and convenient because you can send the items directly to the recipients.

How to give "Okaeshi" if you've just given birth

WHEN

Within one month after giving birth or up to two months at the latest. Also, be careful not to return it so fast, as it can cause stress to the gift-giver.

HOW

If it is to someone that you see regularly, such as co-workers or neighbors, then you should give the gift directly. If it is to someone far away, through mail is acceptable. If you are giving the gift directly, it is customary to take the gift out of the bag, turn the bag toward yourself, rest the gift on top of the handles and give it to the person. Never give a gift naked/as is.

PERSONALIZATION

it's possible to give a gift with your child's name, which is great for grandparents or relatives, but probably will be awkward and burdensome for colleagues and bosses, so in that case "disappearing items" are best, such as food items.

ITEMS TO AVOID

Japanese tea - tea is usually given for condolences, but nowadays some teas in beautiful canisters with sweets are okay.

Handkerchief - It symbolizes farewell and is often used for condolences (especially white), but it's becoming more common to give handkerchiefs these days.

Cutlery - It is reminiscent of "cutting/dividing". However, some cutlery is being featured in gift catalogs to mean "open the future", so consider the hobby and likes of the recipient.

Things that are too expensive or too cheap - it can make your impression worst.

Recommended items to give as return gift

Sweets, Rice, Towels

THANK YOU NOTE

You shouldn't include the word "return", as that gives off a sense of obligation. Just start off by saying "thank you", include the child's name (how to read it if it's in Kanji), birth date, and you and your child's condition (healthy, etc.)

There's a lot more to "okaeshi" than above, but that's a good start! I hope you enjoyed reading about this unique aspect of Japanese culture!