Hello Everyone! Today, Aki is exactly four and a half months old, and perhaps, if you are a parent yourself, you are aware of the dreaded four month sleep regression! I'll be the first to admit that Aki has never been the best sleeper (understatement of the year). Sleep has been our biggest struggle since day one (which I'll get into another day), so needless to say, I was confident going into the regression. I was so confident that she couldn't regress! I mean, she barely slept as it was, so how much worst could it get??
In short, it got worst.
I hadn't realize how far we had come as a newborn. I was so busy comparing Aki to the babies who slept 10 hours a night or could put themselves to sleep that I hadn't realized that Aki was improving in her own way. She went from sleeping in 20 minute intervals to 5-6 hour stretches. She went from crying for hours a day to minutes a day. No, she wasn't sleeping through the night, but she was definitely leaps and bounds ahead of where we started. Therefore, when she started fighting naps again, and crying for hours again, only then did I appreciate our progress.
So, how are we surviving?
OBSERVE
Aki is changing. A lot. She has learned to roll over, she's now actively playing with her toys, she's babbling a lot more. I'm relearning everything I thought I knew. Her sleepy cues changed, old sleep associations changed (rocking and patting to sleep stopped working), and the way she sleeps had also changed. So, it was only fair that I dedicate time to just watch. I tried not to go back to the old ways or force her in her old routine. I stood back and took a hard look at the kind of baby I was dealing with now.
LET GO
I had to let go of the old Aki. I had to let go of my absolute control. I had to realize that she didn't want to be rocked anymore. I had to accept that it wasn't safe to swaddle anymore. I had to realize that this was the time for her to start learning how to sleep independently. I got teary eyed the first time she put herself to sleep and she didn't need my touch. I cried when she couldn't self settle, and my soothing didn't help her. I missed her when we finally started to put her in her crib. Yes, her learning these new skills killed any sleep we had, caused a lot of tears on both sides, and was mentally stressful, but it was absolutely necessary we went through this hard time. And, the most important thing I could do was give her space to grow. I hated seeing her look at me with tears in her eyes as my soothing no longer helped her. I hated seeing her startle herself awake dozens of time, but the one reassuring thing is that I know that she is learning skills she will use for the rest of her life.
EXPIREMENT
For some people, this tumultuous time of development is not the time to introduce any inconsistencies or new things. I agree to an extent. If something isn't broken, I don't insist fixing it. But, I really couldn't rock her for hours anymore (headed to the chiropractor tomorrow), and the breastfeeding to sleep habit needed to be broken for both our benefits. But, I thought this was the perfect time to introduce the crib, no swaddling, and give her space to learn self-soothing. These are all conditions that she will need to adapt to anyway, so why wait? Yes, it is a lot for her, but she wakes up with a smile on her face everyday. She's gotten better and better at everything. She is incredibly resilient and adaptable, and she's sleeping in her crib like it is nobody's business!
CONSISTENCY
This is the hardest for me. I'm constantly changing and employing new things if I don't get my required results. Luckily, my husband is Japanese, and he is slow, methodical, and thinks a lot before changing anything, so we balance each other out. He encourages me to stick with something before changing it, and it is paying off! I have to strike a balance between forcing something she doesn't like and keeping something to see results. It's definitely a hard balance, but whatever I try, I keep at it at least one week. This has helped ME not regress and go back to the old sleep crutches and give in to bad habits.
COMMUNICATE
My husband takes care of Aki 50% of the time, and so, inevitably, he needs to feed her and put her to sleep. He has always struggled with this, but we struggled the most when we weren't employing the same techniques. Aki was so confused, and we were just frustrated. So, one thing that helped was communicating and helping each other. WE DISCUSS EVERYTHING. We have several apps and documents tracking everything and communicating our successes, failures, and goals. We also lean on each other for support during the difficult days and nights and make up for each other's weaknesses. This has also helped me keep my insanity because neither of us have family to step in and give us a break. Of course, we argue and have different opinions and philosophy's sometime, but we get through it once we put our ego aside and do what is best for Aki and for our family.
STOP COMPARING
With the internet, I can find dozens of mom forums and groups and without thinking, compare Aki to each and every baby. I felt like a complete failure the first two months of Aki's life. I thought I messed everything up from day one, and we'd never get on track. I saw mother's complain about 2-3 hour stretches or the dilemma of whether to wake their baby up from naps. I'd talk to my mom, who had three daughters by the way, and she'd act like I was speaking a foreign language when I would talk about Aki's sleep issues. I felt so alone. I really was in a bad headspace. I was micromanaging my daughter's entire existence. I had to stop comparing. Each baby is unique, each situation they are born in is unique, and every parent style is unique. You really can't compare.
BE PATIENT
There are some days where I am full of despair. Can I endure another sleepless night full of crying? Can I endure one more miscommunication with my husband? Where is the Angela I used to know? Sometimes I really am not sure, but I always try to be patient. I thought the newborn days would never end, but here we are! So, I can be patient that this sleep regression will pass, and I believe in Aki and her abilities and that she is developing just as she should. And with that mindset, we can survive anything! Even this dreaded, horrible, no good sleep regression!
No comments:
Post a Comment